Tell ’em why u mad (part deux): Livin’ the single (single single)…life

I’ve been thinking a lot about love… I know… what’s new Dominique? If you know me at all that’s what you’re probably thinking. But seriously, I’ve been thinking about it in broader terms. It’s more than simply what I obsess about not having. And as a woman who, thus far, seems to be eternally single… I feel very marginalized in the Christian faith.

To my knowledge here are no references to singlehood in the Bible that aren’t problematic. There’s lots of talk about caring for widows. And that even seems a little “special” to me. The Bible links widows with the poor all the time. These were the two groups of people that God had the most pity for and got really mad when people didn’t care for them. This is good but it makes me think that in ancient times being single was the probably the least desirable thing a woman could be. 

So fast forward a few millennia and here we are. We live in a society that claims to have let go of notions of women as the property of either their father or their husband. We claim that marriage is about love and mutuality and not about the passing on of childbearing property or continuing the male line. So it’s possible that we might need to re-think our notions of singlehood. If the church is saying that everyone needs to get married, we need to think about the why of it all. Because when the Bible talks about marriage, it’s completely different from what we refer to as marriage. I’m not sure where God fits in to all of this. Did God’s notion of marriage change since women were seen as property. Does God even care about marriage?

I have a friend who is a priest and another friend who tries to convince the priest friend to leave the ministry and find a “nice woman” to settle down with. I guess that could be ok. I understand the argument that all people need companionship. But as a woman who is called by God to ministry yet has never been in a relationship, I wonder are there some of us in the world we are “called” to be single. Or maybe all of us are called to be single until we figure out spiritual or religious ground rules might be for these new notions of love, marriage, “partnership” and so-on…

“NO! If you don’t want to be single, you won’t be. God wouldn’t deny you.” 

That’s what my mother says at least. I hope that’s true because I really don’t want to be single anymore. But how do you know? The Crazy Christians say, anything you need to know about life can be found in the Bible. It’s the only book you need, right? So why can’t I find anything about how to survive without romance and love? Why have I gone through high school, college, seminary and beyond… preached and minister to God’s people… I’ve faced all kinds of very “real” situations… yet I’ve been on THREE (yeah three…) dates EVER! What does the Bible tell me about that?

The Apostle Paul does talk a lot about remaining single and not getting married because Jesus was coming back and we needed to stay focused. But… I’m sayin’… it was 100 years after Jesus was crucified when Paul wrote these things and it’s now 2000 years after that! So when exactly is Jesus coming? And why can’t we have a good date during my 2 millennia Jesus watch?

Ok… I sorry Jesus. I’m getting very snarky… but that’s what happens when you are so single for so long. So there’s no advice here… just a lament. Maybe you have some advice for me. Maybe you can pray for me.

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1 Comment

  1. Okay so, God does not force people to be alone. Celebate Priest choose to join up, so even they had a choice in the matter. I also dont think you have to wait for the ‘right’ time or the ‘right’ person. If that were the case, none of us would be here!

    I do think you have to broaden your horizons, travel and continue your life. Do what you enjoy. This will help your mate search in two ways: 1. If you dont find someone right away, you are still enjoying yourself, because you are doing what you enjoy, and 2. you are most attractive (physically, spiritually and emotionally) when you do what you enjoy. When you are enjoying yourself and your life, you attract people effortlessly. Folk will seek you out… even if just to find out why you’re smilling so much!

    So make sure you sing and dance and write songs and buy purple stuff. Make yourself happy and watch the phone numbers (email, facebook pages, etc…) come pouring in…


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