If I Were A Boy…

Not just a Beyonce song… simply my life in a nutshell. I wonder if I were a guy would I be like my male contemporaries in ministry (not all of you guys but most) who give me “simple” “solutions” to my “problems”. According to them, the roadblocks I’ve face have nothing to do with my gender it’s simply that I’m doing it all wrong. And by wrong they mean, I didn’t do what they did. “Just (fill in the blank with whatever those male preachers think they did), and you’ll be just fine.” See… your problem is (fill in the blank with something about not conforming). Just be quiet until you get ordained. And you’ll be fine.”

If I could be “quiet” and ignore the fire shut up in my bones I’d go take a civil service test and get me some job security. If God didn’t speak to me, wake me up at 3am to tell me what I need to do… harassing me when I try to give up, I have a feeling, I’d be doing something else.

And I’m not trying to say that I’m perfect and I should be the pastor of some huge mega church by now and the fact that I am a woman is standing in my way. But I am saying that most churches are still learning how do deal with women in leadership. Therefore as a woman there are things that you face that male clergy will never see. Many women have suffered this reality silently. It is true that if you are silent you will get through the process faster. But I think speed and silence often mute God’s voice and God’s intention. Did God really call us to process and silence? Or did God call us to divine action and an openness to God’s voice?

Alas… I’m trapped in the world of male dominated process. But I can’t help it but wonder if I’d be more comfortable with it all… if I were a boy…

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2 Comments

  1. Stay with it, Nama. Its worth it. Your walk is inspirational to other women, girls and clergy. Make should you acknowledge the mini-goals you meet on the way to the big one (preaching to myself here, as well).

  2. Dominique – I hear you loud and clear. I’m trying to figure out some of those same answers. I do know that we are a sisterhood of solidarity. You keep moving forward and we’ll get in line right next to you.


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